Revan’s Journal: Taris: The End of Bendek Starkiller
“This is your last match, win this and no one will deny that you are Taris’ undisputed arena champion.â€
That was the line of the Hutt named Ajuur who promoted the arena fights. I had decided to fight in a death match against the legendary Bendek Starkiller, he was the arena champion before twitch, during the time when the Taris’ Arena offered death matches. I know it’s morally wrong to kill someone just for the credits, but my ego got the best of me and now, even though I wish to back out, I can’t leave. The stage has been set, and the show must go on.
Twitch wasn’t an easy opponent but even though I’ve bested him, the people still won’t accept that no one can beat me unless I best Starkiller. Thus, this fuel my anger and my pride was hurt leaving me with the only solution I could think of: challenge and win against Starkiller in a illegal death match.
Now that I’m standing in the arena, facing my opponent, I realize that this really is a waste of time. I know I can beat him, I know I can kill him (after all, I’ve killed before)but I don’t know if I could do it in cold blood. I’ve killed in a battle before yes; I’ve felt the delights of war. The feeling of triumph when I pit myself against a stronger opponent and win, the feeling of great pride when my shots hit my marks; but this was different. I’m about to kill a man just for credits…
If Starkiller had any doubts about what he was about to do, I couldn’t sense it. His face was hidden behind the helmet of the Mandalorian armour that he wore. As far as I could see, his hands were twitching from excitement, not from fear.
As the commentator announced the beginning of the match, I felt something different at the back of my mind. Something… touched… me. It was the feeling like I was connected to everything, and everything was connected to me.
I felt like this… energy… needed something to sustain it, so I feed it with the first thing that came into my mind: anger. I feed it with the anger I felt with myself for being in this worthless position, with the anger I felt towards Starkiller for challenging me, towards the people of Taris for asking for blood. I also feed it with excitement. I knew that Starkiller was a tough opponent, so I feed it with the delight I felt in fighting a stronger opponent and the thought that soon, I would beat him and humiliate him before I killed him.
As I tapped into this energy, everything seemed clearer to me, but it also felt like everything was shrouded in a red haze. All of Starkiller’s moves seemed slower, yet all my moves seemed quicker, stronger and with more fury in them.
Soon the battle got bloody, in my rage, I had charged at my opponent without thought of self preservation. All I wanted to do was to end the fight quickly so that I could humiliate him before I ended his life. I had received a few cuts, nothing life treating, but they sting and made me lose some of my focus, giving Starkiller the time to deliver even more blows.
Soon, I lost sense of coherent thoughts. All I wanted to do was to cause twice the hurt I felt towards Starkiller. Putting in more fury into my every move, he was pushed back. Soon he was dealing backhanded tricks that brought about more bruises and cuts, but my fury was not to be undone.
In one such move, he drew a blaster from underneath his bracers; a move which would be his undoing. If it wasn’t for whatever energy that was sustaining me, that move would have been my end. But as it were, I saw clearly what he meant to do and drew my knife just in time to cut at his wrist.
He let out a howl of pain and I noticed that I had cut him exactly where his pulse would be. Knowing that the fight was about to end, gave me a sense of triumph that pushed me even further to attack him with more fury than I could have thought possible.
In a few seconds after I had cut his pulse, I was able to cut off his right hand, the hand in which held his sword. As he was distracted by the pain, I was able to slice his left kneecap causing him to fall upon his knees: the perfect position for my next move. Without giving him a chance to recuperate, I beheaded him in one slice, and then there was silence.
After a heartbeat, the crowd started to cheer. The emotions that ran though me then was so raw, it was unnerving. Coupled with the adrenaline that was running through my body, I felt like I was in a frenzy; a killing frenzy. It felt good to be able to release such pent up emotions that I no longer cared where that energy that sustained me came from, only that I wanted to feel it again and again for as long as I fought.
When the battle was over and I was able to get my prize money from Ajuur the Hutt, there was still time before the party at the Sith’s trooper place began. Carth decided to head out and look for supplies we might need in our mission. I didn’t want to go for something else was disturbing me. After the fight with Bendek, and after the adrenaline no longer ran around my body, I was able to think.
I realized that my actions were not honourable, neither were they justifiable. I had killed a man simply because I wanted to nurse my wounded ego. I had let hate cloud my judgement and although it felt great while the battle lasted, like a drug, it made me feel empty after the effects had worn off.
I cannot promise that something like this will not happen again, but if it does, I will do my best to prevent it…
