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Carth Onasi sat in the cockpit of the Ebon Hawk, racking an agitated hand through his hair. It had been so long since he had to worry about something like this, that he wasn’t really sure what was happening; and he definitely didn’t know how to stop it.

Sonja Kel had his head on backwards since he rescued her for the escape pod over six months ago back on Taris. She was stubborn and rash at times, strong willed and carefree. Frustrating beyond words. She got a kick out of giving Carth a hard time. Most of the time it was mostly good natured banter, just to keep Carth on his toes, and to crack a smile from him every now and then. But sometimes, she was just plain aggravating. She knew too much about his past than he liked, forcing him to talk about the trauma he had dealt with. And he had to admit, it made him feel a little better.

Despite that, Carth found himself growing fonder of Sonja, more than he wanted to admit. He resisted it at first, after what had happened to him in the past; the death of his wife, the loss of his son, and the destruction of his home world. He had a hard time trusting people. But there was just something about the new Jedi that brought out a better side of him. She made him laugh, and not to mention that she was devastatingly beautiful, which he tried to, unsuccessfully, ignore.

After Morgana died, he hadn’t wanted to peruse any sort of relationship, and not for the lack of offers. Carth was in fact a very attractive man, but what do you do when you lose everything; when your entire life turns upside down at the blink of an eye?

He became dejected and indifferent, losing himself in a life of apathy, hell-bent on vengeance against the man who was once his mentor and former friend: Saul Karath. Carth wanted nothing more than to put a blaster to the forehead of the man he once looked up to.

Carth shook his head. Things were different now. He still wanted his revenge, but as soon as Sonja Kel entered his life, it wasn’t his top priority anymore. That scared him beyond words. He felt like he was, in a sense, slowly forgetting the entire reason he forced himself onto the Endar Spire’s roster; to kill Karath and avenge his wife’s death, and even though they had never found his body, Carth was certain that his only son was gone as well.

He tried to stop it, he really did, but he was quickly developing feelings for Sonja. Her eyes always seemed to be dancing with mischief and laughter, and that perpetual smile that seemed to be plastered to her face, was his down fall.

He couldn’t fight it anymore. He had fallen for a woman he barely knew, but felt that he had known her for a lifetime. He trusted her, but he would never tell her that. He smiled at that thought. Sonja would certainly never let him live it down.

“I’m going to make you like me, Onasi. Fight it if you must, but you will succumb.” Sonja grinned playfully at him, jabbing him in the chest with her index finger. “I can be pretty persuasive.”

Carth snorted mirthlessly. “Whatever you say, Gorgeous,”

Footsteps behind him jerked him from his thoughts. Carth looked up to see Jolee Bindo standing beside him, and then silently taking a seat next to him in the co-pilot’s seat.

“Mind if I join you?” the old man asked. “Not too many places on this rust bucket to clear ones mind.”

Carth snorted in agreement. “Not too much excitement in here, but you are welcome to hang out if you’d like.”

The old Jedi nodded his thanks, and the two sat in silence for a while, until Jolee finally cleared his throat and broke silence. “So, what’s got you in such a rut, boy?”

The pilot looked at the man with a raised eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Jolee grinned slightly. “The angst in this room could fill a kolto tank. Something’s bugging you, kid, and I suggest you let it out before it eats you alive.”

Carth slumped slightly in his seat and rubbed the back of his neck, not exactly willing to let the old man in on his secret feelings. After all, Jedi weren’t allowed to attach themselves to anything or anyone. How could even an ex-Jedi possibly understand?

The old man settled his cheek against his hand. “Its woman troubles, isn’t it?”

Carth’s head jerked around to stare at the old man. Damn Jedi and their ability to read minds. He sighed. “Sort of,”

Jolee’s grin widened. “Is she pretty?”

Despite himself, Carth laughed a little. “Isn’t this a little personal?”

The Jedi shrugged. “Perhaps. But I also have it on good authority that talking about your problems is a good stress reliever.” Jolee fingered his beard thoughtfully. “Talk to the old man, boy. Is she pretty?”

Carth inhaled loudly as he leaned forward and clasped his hands, resting them on his bent knees. He felt a little awkward, talking to Jolee about this, but the old man was probably right. It would probably make him feel better to get it off his chest. “She’s pretty alright.” He paused and looked down at the floor. “She’s…she’s actually the kind of pretty that gives you butterflies, ya know?”

Jolee smiled sadly. “Ah, the butterflies,” he sighed and turned his gaze to look out into the darkness of space, lost in thought. “Never forget the butterflies.”

Carth turned his head to look at the old man. He couldn’t have missed the longing on Jolee’s face if he tried. He frowned as realization dawned on him. “I take it you’ve had some experience in this area?”

The Jedi nodded curtly, but remained silent, and kept his gaze out the window of the ship. “You know, maybe that’s what sucks about getting older. Somewhere along the line, you just, lose the butterflies.”

Carth couldn’t help it; he had to know the rest. “But I thought that Jedi are forbidden to love?”

Again, Jolee nodded. “They are, which is either a very dumb move on their part, or it could be the wisest decision ever made. I haven’t decided yet.”

The pilot sat, silent, waiting for the old man to continue. Jolee sighed sadly. “Nayama, my wife, was an extraordinary woman, as I’m sure you’re lovely lady is.”

Carth stared in shock at the old man. “You were married?”

Jolee snorted. “That’s right kid, the old hermit from the Shadowlands of Kashyyyk, was in fact, married. Once upon a time.”

The younger man’s face flushed. “I…I didn’t mean it like that, Jolee. I-“

Bindo raised his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it, Onasi. I was just kidding with you.”

Carth glared at the old man. “Are all of you Jedi so damn frustrating?”

Jolee’s smile returned. “Is that who had your butterflies in a whirl wind? A certain brown haired, green eyed Jedi who teases you ruthlessly?”

Carth’s face was enough of an answer for the old man. Jolee chuckled quietly. “I had a feeling Sonja was the object of your affection. She’s a great girl.”

The pilot nodded. “Yes, she is.”

“So, what are you gonna do about it?”

“Do?” Carth replied with a little edge to his tone.

Jolee raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, do. As in take some action. Do something about it.”

The younger man shook his head. “You don’t seem to be grasping the gravity of the situation, Jolee. She’s a Jedi. You guys aren’t allowed to have attachments to anything or anybody.” Carth’s voice raised a couple of notches. “If I were to do something about it, I believe that the twin suns of Tatooine would cease to shine. The tides of Manaan would cease to rise.”

He paused. “In fact, I’m betting there’s a pretty good chance that the very galaxy would crack open and every planet would become home to a huge hell-mouth, that would spew forth endless hordes of monsters and demons that would choke the denizens of this ship, making them fall to their knees and pray for return to the days before I took action. That’s really what we’re talking about here.”

Jolee nodded and stood from his seat. “Yeah, maybe. Listen kid, in my experience, you don’t come across many people with the ability to give you butterflies. You just don’t,” the old man sighed sadly. “You just don’t. And if you don’t tell Sonja how you feel, well,” he stopped and looked over at Carth with a knowing eye. “It would be like spending the rest of your life in your own personal hell.”

Carth nodded and leaned his head back against the headrest, taking in everything Jolee had said. It made a lot of sense, and in all honestly, he felt a lot better just to get this hidden feeling off of his chest. Maybe he could talk to Sonja. Even if it didn’t turn out in his favor, he could begin to move on.

He turned his head back to look at Jolee, who was now standing at the doorway. “Hey, Jolee?”

“Yeah?”

Carth smiled. “Thanks.”

———–

Okay, so maybe I did borrow a couple of lines from an episode of Dawson’s Creek, but I felt this conversation needed to happen between our love-sick pilot and the old heartbroken Jedi. And it fit so well, I just couldn’t resist.

And apparently I have some inner fangirl complex. Don’t judge me ;-)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006 at 10:49 pm and is filed under Carth Onasi, Jolee Bindo, Knights of the Old Republic, Revan (Female/Light Side), Star Wars. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.