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Chapter 2 Bastila Shan

Succumbing to her impatience, young Bastila Shan sat at the side of the pressurization threshold with her head in her hands while waited for the Proxis to dock with the Republican space station. After the destruction of their grandest outpost on Telos, it became the Republican Army’s new headquarters. The Horizon was a small space station, but it was exclusively used by the republic and was well guarded. Its best defense was its mobility. It was in constant movement around Telos’ solar system. Bastila stared at her new master. He was young, handsome, wise, strong and caring… a perfect master for her, but he wasn’t Revan. Kavar was slightly taller, slightly older, slightly more muscular and slightly more patient than Revan, yet, regardless of how far more suited to the task of being her master than anyone in the Order, he couldn’t break the bond that she shared with Revan. It was a constant torment for her. She fought a constant battle against the darkness that was bound to her former companion. More importantly she fought the constant emotion that the bond mused. Her confusion over everything was understandable. She was abandoned by the one she thought she loved… after he had rescued her from the dark side and brought her back to the Jedi. He had changed her perspective of everything she knew to be true. Yet Revan was not always Revan: not even Darth Revan. No matter his persona, he left her questioning everything and everyone. There was none more mysterious, none more powerful and none more charismatic than Revan. Even when he had lost his memory and control of the force, he had power over her. She did her best to ignore him at first; like a young woman under constant courtship of men, she learned to ignore and dismiss all that tugged at her. Revan’s power, however, couldn’t be ignored. She felt her curiosity rise to the level of an infant when she was near to him. She hated having to keep it to herself. It tore her inside to be with him when he didn’t know who he was. Yet no one was more dangerous and unpredictable than the Dark Lord Revan, whom the Jedi council managed to erase. His power remained, thus the darkness in the bond she shared.
Bastila Shan wasn’t always vulnerable to it, however. It started off as a Jedi bond, similar to that which a master and padawan shared. The darkness, she thought, only echoed within him. She thought of it as a warning that allowed her to do her job very well. Keeping an eye on him was never easier. Given the power of their bond, she was able to grasp some of Revan’s past and pave the way to the future through visions from the force. Her mission to follow Revan’s path and find the source of the Sith’s power was drawn in the force as clearly as a map. It was as though what was left of the Dark Lord wanted her to find it. What it wanted to do with it was still unknown, but as long as Revan, or Arman Clash as she called his new alter ego fabricated by the council, followed the path of the light, it was certain that the mission was to destroy the Starforge. That giant factory had limitless potential and had to be eradicated. For a Dark Lord, however, it was a wonderful toy to play with, and its power was difficult to resist. In its nest, with the dark side flowing thorough her, she thought Revan would easily be held its prisoner as she was. The taint within him, the hate for his old apprentice, was sure to take its toll in such a place. Yet he defeated Darth Malak in his own domicile and rescued her from the evil corruption of the dark side… through what she thought was love.
She longed for him. She couldn’t understand how he could just leave her after that. To leave her fighting the Darkness alone was much like leaving her imprisoned with Malak on the Starforge. Could Revan have known that the darkness would never leave her? Did he not realize the trouble he had left her in? Not to mention the chaos that he left the galaxy in by his own will? Or was it Arman Clash who was responsible for abandoning her? Revan never ran away from anything, and after Malak’s defeat, she was sure he was as strong and as himself as ever. Yet he vanished without a trace, making sure he could never be found. It tore her to be left so alone… and without reason.

“Are you well?” Master Kavar asked in concern.
“I can’t take it anymore. This bond is torture!” Bastila sighed in despair.
“You are having trouble with your emotion again?” Her master asked cautiously.
“Again? Always. It’s intolerable. I feel like a child!” Bastila was getting angry.
“You haven’t given up yet, it’s unlikely it will even come to that.” Her master shared his confidence.
“But I have! I feel nothing but despair.” She corrected him.
“Perhaps. But feelings are all that they are. Without the sway of the dark side, you have nothing to fear.” Kavar reassured her.
“It’s a miracle the dark side doesn’t claim me right now!” She stiffened. Perhaps that was also Revan’s doing. Perhaps there was nothing more he could do for her… perhaps even severing her bond with him could bring the opposite outcome she had originally thought.
“Why did he leave me with this connection to him?” Bastila wondered, for once, without fear or anger.
“Why does Revan choose to walk the path that none other will take?” Kavar answered with another question.
“What if he returns as the Dark Master? Surely I would succumb as he has.” Bastila gulped in fear.
“Arman Clash would never allow that.” Kavar expressed his opinion.
“What if he never had that power? What if he no longer exists?” Bastila considered Arman as a short-lived existence and that he was not responsible for having destroyed Malak. He was not strong enough. The council thought otherwise; they believed so much in the power of the Jedi teachings and that of Arman’s inheritance that they thought they could engineer a new destiny for the Dark Lord. They were wrong of course: no Jedi had a dark taint within them. That, to Bastila’s knowledge, was the only thing capable of defeating Malak. That was a destiny only reserved for Darth Revan, not Arman Clash. She had said it so many times, but her masters could be just as stubborn as she was. Arman was a mere apprentice, not very knowledgeable of the force and much less experienced than she was. No, the only reason she would ever go on that mission with Arman was because she believe his destiny was that of Revan’s. After having rescued her from Malak, she knew he was there somewhere. After Malak’s death and after witnessing the change in her bond, she was more and more certain that Darth Revan was also somewhere within Arman, and that none other could have defeated Malak.
“Arman is strong in the light side of the force. He rescued you didn’t he?” Kavar persisted, knowing full well that her opinion was different than his in this matter.
“You’re wrong about that. I saw it in his eyes. He was not some republican scout or some Jedi apprentice. I saw awareness. I saw intent. I saw power!” She shook her head.
“Perhaps those things were the influence of the dark side… some form of defense against having to face him. Your fear of him saved you… ironically enough.” Her master proposed. Bastila Shan let out a laugh of shock and anger at his words.
“I didn’t fear him! It was obedience and great respect that saved me: unconditional surrender to his will, to his cause, to him. All he had to do was ask and I was his.” Bastila confessed.
Master Kavar stood still, waiting for the door to open. It was time to enter the Proxis and to avoid the rest of his conversation with his apprentice. She was emotional, a very uncommon trait in the Jedi and so he had nothing to counter it except with patience and foreboding. Her mood would pass and they could return to their usual selves. It was like dealing with the non-Jedi, sometimes it was best to wait for an appropriate time to have even the most basic of conversations. It left Bastila feeling alone again.
The door opened and revealed the Captain of the Proxis. Not feeling in the mood for conversation, Bastila waited for someone else to speak.
“I am Carth Onasi, Captain of this ship. I will take you to your rooms.” He spoke plainly. Bastila was relieved that he was also not in the mood for conversation. Kavar, however, felt insulted that he was not allowed to present himself. It was very new to the Jedi to be treated this way. Not long ago, people would have trusted them with their lives. Now they were nothing more than mere passenger to the commander of this republican war vessel. He squeezed his lips tight, crossed his arms and followed the Captain to his quarters. Onasi stopped at the last two doors of the crew-quarters’ hall and indicated them with his hands without speaking a word. Trust and respect, it seemed, was a thing of the past. Kavar bowed politely and resigned in defeat into his chamber. Bastila and Carth lingered in the hallway for a while longer, staring into each other’s eyes sharing the exact same thought. It was an unspoken word: abandoned. Carth was not happy to see her. Revan was the only glue that could have held Bastila and Carth together and he abandoned them a year ago. Bastila, however, felt compassion for her old companion; though he also felt that Bastila had also betrayed him, they did share their awe at Revan’s decision to leave them both behind after all that they had been through together. Indeed they shared the same regrets, but neither of them was ready to face them. Bastila finally made a slight head bow and walked backwards into her room, never keeping her eyes off of Carth’s frowning gaze. Once the door was closed, he let out a growl of irritation and clenched his fists together. He would wait. That was his new mission after all. He had all the time in the world to wait for the Jedi to make their move. He decided to do what he did best: to return to the bridge and prepare the crew for launch. They were going somewhere. He would wait for the station personnel to finish loading the extra supplies and then they would be on their way.

To where? He asked himself. Carth was getting used to chasing after the Shadow, to travel wherever he suspected they would be. It didn’t occur to him that he wasn’t given a destination for his current mission. He must have expected to be given a set of instructions by the Jedi, as they always did when they arrived on a Republican ship. He expected the two Jedi to take command of his ship fully and didn’t realize that their extremely short conversation had left him with no destination and no afterthought of how his mission would be laid out. It irritated him further. He decided to wait until he was far from the space station, into space, before inquiring about the destination.
He knocked at Bastila’s door. Two hours had passed since they arrived. He didn’t know Master Kavar and didn’t care to meet him. Perhaps some fear that he would take over command on this mission was still on his mind. For now, all he cared about was to challenge Bastila as to weather or no she had a right to be on his ship at all.
“What’s our destination?” He asked as soon as the door closed behind him. There was no greeting and Bastila still stared at him with her arms crossed. Noticing hesitation in the man in front of him, the Jedi sat back a little and sighed. She was rather calm now. Carth was as tense as ever and he stood with his arms behind his back as if sanding at attention. If it weren’t for his irritated stare, he would look as though he was waiting for orders instead of an explanation. Perhaps he had given up hope too. Bastila shared his pain and took some responsibility for his behavior. She settled back on chair and made herself comfortable while inviting Carth to make himself at home. He didn’t move at first, but finally sat down in the chair in front of her.
“I thought you knew.” Bastila said softly to avoid sounding arrogant.
“I wasn’t told.” Carth said irritated. Bastila nodded and set her index finger down at the small round table between them.
“This IS our destination.” Bastila pointed out.
“My ship is not a cruise ship Bastila!” Now he understood why Admiral Dodala conveniently left that part out of her briefing.
“Luxury and comfort are a thing of the past for the Jedi.” Bastila whispered painfully. Carth didn’t bother to respond.
“It will be harder for the Sith to find us if we are always on the move.” Bastila pointed out the fact of the mission.
“So you want me to tow you throughout the galaxy until the Sith die of old age?” Carth said.
“Carth, I need your help. The Jedi need your help: this isn’t a laughing matter!” Bastila rebuked him. Shan took a deep breath and continued.
“The Sith are targeting the apprentices and the padawans. There aren’t many of us left.” She said sadly.
“I forgot you were a padawan. You certainly don’t act like one. You also don’t ask for help… Bastila, what’s going on?” Carth finally showed some concern.
“It’s ironic that I have a master now and that his only purpose here is to protect me.” Bastila admitted.
“So that’s why he’s here.” Carth understood the gravity of the situation and quickly reevaluated his position.
“Have you tried to find… HIM?” Carth asked after a pause.
“It seems he doesn’t want to be found. No one has seen or heard from him since…” Bastila couldn’t finish.
“But YOU, Bastila… can’t you find him? I mean… don’t you still have that special connection to him?” Carth asked.
“I’ve tried that.” She simply shook her head and dropped her head in her hands.
“He’s abandoned us all.” Carth said not sounding surprised.
“He’s left the galaxy in great big mess. It’s like him to do that.” Carth pointed out. He had his reservations the moment he knew of Arman Clash’s true identity. He was grateful for the turn of events during his mission with Arman and Bastila to destroy the Starforge, but never again did he trust the Jedi. Revan’s sudden departure only worsened his doubts. He wondered what Bastila believed he was up to. Deep down he thought she knew where he was but refused to tell anyone, but after looking at her sit there with her head in her hands and given his mission through Bastila’s plea for help, he had to consider that Bastila Shan was truly frightened and that meant that she was on her own.
“I didn’t think he would leave you behind with the rest of us.” Carth said sympathetically. Bastila stared at him curiously, wanting to know what made him think that when no one else acknowledged her bond with Revan beyond the force related aspects of it. Perhaps she had missed something while she was held captive by Malak and the Sith. She gave Carth her complete attention and signaled for him to continue. She wasn’t known for her patience, but she trusted that Carth was not as secretive about his feelings and opinions and that he would share them with her shortly.
“For a moment there I was beginning to think his only motivation behind his quest was to get you back, but after he killed Malak, I guess that changed.” Carth shrugged, showing his disappointment. He too was gravely worried about Bastila when she was captured and could only think about going back for her. The fact that Revan, or Arman, wanted the same thing made his doubts subside for a while. He should have suspected that it was revenge that drove Revan and not worry for Bastila’s life. It could have been both, he admitted to himself, but it wouldn’t explain why he chose to leave her after all.
“What does he want? What is doing? Why did he leave all of us behind? Why would he leave you? Should I expect him back to finish us off once and for all? I can only imagine how upset I would be if the Jedi were to play with my mind and then throw me to the wolves as you did Revan. How much more dangerous do you think you could make him if his memory comes back?” Carth let out his worst fear of the Sith: the unstoppable wrath they have towards the Jedi when they fall to the dark side. If his worst fears were true, that Darth Revan had returned, then Bastila’s life was in even more danger than now.
“He’s not a monster Carth. You’re forgetting how much better things were when he was around. You can only feel the emptiness that he left behind.” Bastila defended her hero.
“No, Arman Clash was alright to have around, but Revan… If he’s fallen to the dark side my helping you will make little difference.” Carth warned. Bastila was surprised that Carth’s fears were setting themselves as being more and more a reality.
“He’s not behind the attacks on the Jedi if that’s what you’re implying. If he reclaimed the mantle of the dark side, there would be no one in the Sith empire that would stand in his way and… he would be at the head of their army already.” Bastila tried to be convincing. Revan was the greatest leader in generations and had no reason to hide in the ranks of the Sith; he would make is presence known and finish what he started.
“Maybe leaving you all to deal with the Dark-Jedi is his way of getting back at you, short of killing you all.” Carth shrugged. Bastila was no longer amused. She was sure Revan, or Arman, had forgiven her for withholding his true identity.
“He never cared what the Jedi council though of him and wouldn’t resort to that no matter how far along the dark path he is. Malak was the one that directed his hatred towards the Jedi.” Bastila corrected her Captain. There was a moment of silence where they both collected their thoughts about the beginning of the Sith war.
“Sometimes I think that Revan had always been above the Jedi council and that his wisdom should never have been questioned.” Bastila thought out loud.
“You can’t be serious. He’s brought just as much harm to us than good.” Carth was appalled at Bastila’s revelation.
“That’s not what I meant.” Bastila shook her head and sighed. It took a moment to collect her strength and continued.
“What I mean is that if the council hadn’t questioned his choice and backed him up during the Mandalorian war, he would never have fallen to the dark side.” Bastila suggested.
“Frankly, I was always puzzled about why the Jedi council left the outer rim to rot during the war and at that time we were all so grateful for Revan’s help but maybe it came at too high a price.” Carth said.
“As crazy as their decision was, maybe in the end they were right: We would be better off fighting the Mandalorians right now that the Sith.” Carth said.
“Look, I don’t want to get into that, but without his help, the Republic would have lost the war, that is a fact.” Bastila sighed.
“So what makes you think the council was wrong. You seemed sure of their choice before.” Carth noticed.
“I’m starting to think that Revan was more informed about the consequences of his actions than we were led to believe. I’m saying that he might have known all along what it was that the council feared and sought it out on his own without their aid.” Bastila ventured.
“You’re saying he WANTED to fall to the dark side.” Carth was starting to get upset.
“Yes, I think he did.” Bastila admitted.
“And you are OK with that?” Carth was impressed in all the wrong ways.
“No, of course not. But it wouldn’t have been the same if the council was to look after him.” Bastila said. It seemed so familiar now; the darkness within her and the Jedi support standing in the room across from her. She was now in the position of fighting the dark side of the force, but unlike Revan, she had the support of her masters. She was certain that they could have supported Revan in much the same way during the war, unless they feared they had absolutely no sway over his decisions, which, for all Bastila knew, could have been true. He did leave them after all. Perhaps she, too, had no sway over him, regardless of his confessed feelings for her. Perhaps he could triumph over them the way she wish she could. She felt trapped by her feelings and hoped she would never be trapped the same way by the dark side.
“He has power over everyone and everything. Maybe it was just a challenge for him and he would finally move on, or give up.” She said simply.
“You think he thought he could triumph over the dark side?” Carth was bemused. Bastila gathered the force and look at the bond she shared with Revan on last time before answering.
“It’s a possibility I’ve begun to consider.” She suggested.
“Any Jedi would say that’s madness!” Carth lifted himself from his chair abruptly, making a cross-gesture with his hands signifying that he wanted no more of his conversation. Bastila reached up to Carth with a whole new set of eyes. She looked as though she so desperately needed something from him. Carth refused to sit back down but took a calming breath. He was willing to listen to just a little more, if only to understand what Bastila’s eyes were really saying.
“I am under constant battle with the dark side… I have been ever since my return from the Starforge. It’s a desperate battle and I am uncertain how I have made it this far… except by that which Revan has left behind. I fuel from his strength during my inner struggle and I would have surely succumbed if I could not feel his presence.” Bastila revealed.
“NO… Bastila you can’t fall to the dark side, NOT again! I WONT let you leave this place, I wont let you leave US!” Carth said firmly.
“Now you know why I need your help… and why I need constant supervision from the council.” Bastila said much more softly.
“What do you want me to do: I don’t know anything about falling to the dark side, much less how to prevent it.” Carth shook his head.
“I don’t need you to be a Jedi: I need you to be a friend. Keep me safe. I trust you.” Bastila whispered.
“I will. Of COURSE Bastila, I will.” Carth reassured her. He still didn’t sit down. He looked worried for once. He forgot that he should be upset. Bastila may trust him now, but he still doesn’t trust her. The only thing keeping him on her side is her sudden plea for help. The old stubborn and proud Bastila would have never done that. Maybe this Bastila had a fighting chance and maybe, this time, having help, she won’t betray everyone so easily. Carth took a deep breath, as he was getting ready to depart.
“If you need ANYTHING, you come directly to me. I don’t want you suffering on your own like last time.” The good Captain ordered and left the room swiftly. He didn’t bother waiting for her to thank him. It wasn’t that he feared she would never thank him, it was that he was fed up with the Jedi and even more intolerant of the dark side. Any more Jedi talk and he would lose it.
Bastila was surprised at how much she had confessed to her old companion. It had given her much relief and was very pleased with her decision. Carth was much easier to talk to than any Jedi. She could get into many conversations with her own Jedi master, who like her, was full of compassion and understanding. Carth was more like she was now: free to feel and express herself. In front of the Jedi, Bastila still felt compelled to keep her feelings to herself despite the attention she needed as a result from them. It was unlike the Jedi to be responsive and understanding as her last conversation with master Kavar showed. He was more willing to forsake her feelings than to sympathize. Perhaps it was due more to the subject that was sensitive to all the Jedi rather than to her situation. She was able to reach out to her master at times and to share her burdens but, at times, she couldn’t help but feel alone and left out by the Jedi. It was not their fault, she knew: it was Revan’s. He left her in this situation. Master Kavar was as great a help as a Jedi could be to her and she appreciated that but she needed so much more. Oh she longed for Revan. One word from his voice and all her hardships would be in the past. Such power he had over her.
Where are you Revan? I am yours. I am all for you. Why have you forsaken me?
Bastila thought to herself as she immersed in meditation. She used the force to search for her hero, as she always did when she meditated. Never having the slightest success in her search was not enough to dissuade her from trying to find Revan. Her bond was strong and she had to believe it served more purpose than to torment her while keeping her strong at the same time. She had to believe she could affect HIM as well. She had to believe she could get him to notice her pain. She had to believe she could receive more visions through the force that would lead her to him the way they had led her to follow his footsteps to the Starforge. In order to know where he was now, she had to know where he had been. These visions had required proximity in the past, but she would draw strength from the bond and persist.
I want to see you. Show yourself. Show me where you are. Come back for me.
“The more you search for him, the more it will draw you to nowhere.”
Bastila’s eyes opened to find master Kavar staring down at her. He stood in front of her, arms crossed.
“I do what I must.” Bastila replied.
“Meditation is used to calm oneself and to search inside for what is true. You search outward and too far from yourself. Perhaps you need to focus more on yourself and less on him.” He master proposed.
“And what truth is there left to find within?” Bastila asked for the sake of asking, knowing full well that she did not care for an answer.
“The truth that you do not need him. That you had the strength to fight before he entered into your life.” Kavar suggested.
“I am responsible for this bond. I have used all the power I had to preserve whatever life was holding on in his body and I accept the consequences of my action. It was no accident that I received this bond through the force. Great things have been accomplished since and I am certain that it isn’t over yet.” Bastila said.
“It is for you to decide when it is over, my padawan. Do not seek Revan’s guidance for he has none to offer.” Kavar spoke harshly. Independence has been the Jedi way for countless generations and the thought that his padawan would consider devoting herself to one who had abandoned the Jedi twice before was reason for alarm.
“He has abandoned all who cared for him and would leave you as broken as a cluster if you ever found him again.” Master Kavar stated.
“No one knows for certain. Perhaps he has a plan for all of us. Perhaps he has reason for retreat and secrecy. Perhaps he needs me as much as I need him and the force will bring us together again.” Bastila said with a frown.
“You are swimming in uncertainties Bastila Shan. It will draw you farther from our shores. Draw strength from it as you must, but I fear this bond will come full circle when you face him again. It will be your life that will need saving if the Dark One returns, not his.” Kavar said. Bastila fell inwardly and showed a slight hunch in her shoulders. She could no longer hold her cross-legged meditative posture. She held herself with her elbows as much as she could not to physically collapse at the sudden thought. The force, as she knew, wasn’t without a sense of irony. She witnessed so much of it from the moment the task to capture the Dark Lord fell on her shoulders. That became her destiny the moment her skills of battle meditation favored her strike team and allowed her to make it to Revan’s command ship first. She was so young and willing to serve in those days; she had been foolish to leave out fear. Having the upper hand in numbers and the eagerness to succeed as a young padawan, she had charged into a battle that became a commitment in the force. Her capture of the Dark Lord Revan as a mere padawan could have secured her name in history. Her life as a Jedi could have accelerated ten fold. Already with the rare gift of battle meditation that went far beyond that of even the Jedi council members and the independence that it brought her (she had already shared the responsibility of Knighthood), the battle for the Sith master could have placed her value within the Jedi order as equal to that of a Master herself. It would have elevated her to the to top in short order. Little had she knew that her exploit in bringing in the Sith master would have revealed a different destiny for this padawan, one that was perhaps even more unique than the one she sought. That battle was not at all what anyone could have expected. She rushed to Revan’s command deck with her three Jedi companions, full ready for a confrontation. She placed herself in the spotlight, expressing her intent and stepping ahead of her Jedi friends. She had felt the most strongly about her mission. She had felt its weight and responded with pride and confidence instead of fear and doubt.
You cannot win Revan!
She said as she pointed at the Dark Lord, provoking him and assuring that his focus went on her and her team. Her team… they were Jedi Knights and she had been a padawan. Her initiative, her skills and her pride had launched her ahead of her team and straight into the most anticipated moment of the new war. She looked at the Dark Master swing into a stance she had never before seen with members of an antecedent strike force still dying at the hands of Darth Revan. As dark and powerful as he was, she had not known fear on that battle bridge. She only saw him as one who had lost his way, one that had to face reality once more, one that had to see the corruption of his ways and that needed to be brought to justice. She faced him off as a criminal and felt no ties with him. She felt no empathy for one so lost. She could not associate his fate with that of a real Jedi. She dismissed his past and denied him recognition of his purpose only to keep herself from facing her own vulnerabilities to the dark side of the force. Everything that came next was as extraordinary as it was ironic. Malak had betrayed his master from afar. The sudden change in the atmosphere, the sudden disturbance in the force, the almost lifeless leader and the feelings that had perturbed her so greatly had changed her completely. She believed she would have encountered only regret. Regret that her mission had been spoiled by the ways of the Sith, by the betrayal of an apprentice to his master. Instead, the situation had presented itself with a new light. The dark lord was not dead. She would not let the Sith have it their way. She was a Jedi. She knew what she had to do. An enormous rush of compassion swept her up the command deck and allowed her to save the life of the most dangerous man in the galaxy. She was better than him, she thought, she was stronger than the dark side. She never thought this day would come when she would despair and squirm as a consequence of her action on the bridge of Revan’s ship. The force, indeed, was not without a sense of irony.
“I have to believe that he will save me.” Bastila whispered softly after a long moment of reflection.
“Perhaps that is the will of the force.” Master Kavar said. There was a short pause before the Jedi master tapped the hilt of his lightsaber as an indication that it was time to practice saber fencing.
“We need to keep shape in the use of our weapons in the mean time. I’m sure you would benefit from its distraction as well.” Master Kavar proposed. The Dark-Jedi had turned the role of the Jedi weapon from a symbol of peace and justice to no more than a dueling tool. The Sith were young in comparison to the Jedi, but their focus on duels went unmatched throughout the war. No one had been more successful in praying on the Jedi. The Dark-Jedi had perspective on the Jedi and could feed off their weaknesses like none other. Their only purpose was to eliminate the Jedi, and given the time, they would not fail. It was not always so. When the Sith empire arrived and waged war, the Dark-Jedi had been united in conquest and seemed to have no quarrel with the Order. Revan had singled out the Republic and treated the Jedi as no more than his enemy’s allies. Revan’s intention towards the Jedi during his war went unspoken, yet his reservation for the order was unquestioned. He had a plan; there was no doubt about it. Whatever it was, it was immediately replaced by Darth Malak’s hatred and impatience. He had shifted the Empire’s focus to that of immediate and cruel passion. He had traded whatever grand master plan Revan had concocted for the pleasure of revenge and overwhelming power over his foes. He was far more characteristic of the Sith: predictable and passionate. Revan’s ways were that of mystery and order, of purpose and intent, of knowledge and foresight. It was not a way anyone could counter without the same power and understanding. That kind of foe did not exist. The Sith empire would have been unstoppable. Yet the events that led to Darth Revan’s demise had only unleashed cruelty and corruption rather than piece and justice. How lucky it was that Bastila Shan had been there to steal away that power, to bring to the council the mysterious weapon that could turn the tide of any war. The council was wise to use that weapon against the Sith and against Malak. They had caged this power within a shell and given it a new identity, one that was only loyal to the Republic, effectively turning it against his own followers. Arman Clash did not share Revan’s past and had no intent. He was but a person who followed to slopes like the current of a river. He went where he was needed. He quickly acquired the only part of his old essence that was left adrift, Bastila Shan, without knowing that she carried with her the bond that had allowed him to live. Without knowing who he was and without a sense of direction through the force, he came for her. At that moment, Bastila and Arman had been permanently bonded. The will of the force had never been made so clear. How clairvoyant the dark master must have been with such power. It felt unfair at first, how the force could favor someone so self-driven and unyielding as Revan. However, throughout her mission with him, she became only sympathetic and intrigued. It became perfectly clear to her how important her companion was. By observing Arman Clash, she had found the characteristics that dominated their destiny. With or without the force, Arman Clash was a leader. His charisma and his confidence had paved their way through hardships as gracefully as Bastila’s greatest display of battle meditation. This was no program designed by the Jedi order; this gift belonged to Revan alone. That was his calling, that was his purpose and for the force to favor one such person could only prove that he deserved her greatest respect as well.
Revan was out there somewhere, and with him he carried the will of the force. She only wished it wasn’t as clouded by the dark side as it was on her end of the connection. She needed to believe that he had the clairvoyance enough to see past the darkness and bring himself to Bastila as their destiny commanded.
“Focus, my padawan. The time for reconciliation is over.” Master Kavar ordered as his straightened his lightsaber in front of his face as to captivate her attention. He had backed away and stood disconnected from the duel as to mirror how Bastila had disconnected from it in her mind. She stared at her master’s eyes with the blue-green blade hiding his nose. It was as though she was dazed and had been for a while. She had not realized that the battle had halted until just now. She was calm and at peace but completely unaware of her surroundings. She couldn’t bring herself to regret that it had impaired her training with her master because, for the moment, she felt so free. That was too rare for her to dismiss.
“I’m sorry master Kavar. I don’t know what has come over me.” Bastila exhaled a deeply relaxed breath and dropped back to a stance of readiness that accentuated her apology as much as a bow could have. As her master, nothing could have made him more worried than young Bastila’s sudden intangibility. If it wasn’t for her apparent inner peace, he would have even despaired. This padawan was difficult to look after. He hoped he was strong enough to protect her against the living so that she would at least have a fighting chance at what was lurking beneath the surface. Sometimes he feared that loneliness would become her undoing. All he could do against that is to be there for her when she needed and to make sure others were there when she did not. Carth had a great deal of influence over her mood. It was understandable, given their history. It seemed he was her link to HIM. She needed to cling to familiarities. Satisfied with his padawan’s eagerness to continue, he simply bowed and began again.
This time, he activated his second lightsaber and engaged more aggressively. It was time to set aside the familiar if only to keep Bastila’s focus a little while longer. Master Kavar was graceful with his twin lightsaber and his technique was more in character as it was aggressive. The form used with twin lightsabers bore the traits of the Dark-Jedi for it was a persistent attack that required very little effort. For Bastila it was a challenge of speed and focus through the force as well as through her muscles. It was almost unfair against an opponent who was not familiar with the technique. Bastila, however, had the proper training to deal with this situation. She knew the only defense against Kavar’ style was to shift him to the defensive and to keep him there. It took some time to get him there, but once Bastila had deflected the last of his strokes, she was able to thrust and swing and flick and poke endlessly as he had but with much more strength that would require both of his arms to deflect. Still, Kavar had the greater skill and had superior strength. His design was to allow opportunity for Bastila to adapt and explore her own way of defeating him. Superiority was a shifting thing in a duel. What Kavar had, Bastila could take away. His strength could be brought down to a weakness, his speed could be slowed, his style reversed. Bastila was no ordinary padawan. She had such promise and her power through the force was Kavar’ match. She only needed to be creative and to continue her practice. She had seen the potential of the force and was not threatened by knowledge, only by experience.
While keeping his reservations, Kavar allowed her attacks to continue for as long as it took for Bastila to realize they bore no fruit. He had the upper hand in this battle and she had to find another way. Bastila could always tell when the Jedi master held back. It was their duty to keep the knowledge of the Jedi. The masters held the secrets of the Jedi. They used that knowledge to teach their students and to provide something for them to strive for. Given the seemingly unlimited patience of the Jedi, it sometimes took generations for a master to finally teach his apprentice all he knew, no matter the order’s dire situation. Bastila understood that better than anyone, and in master Kavar’ case, it didn’t feel condescending or irritating at all. After having learned Battle meditation on her own, Bastila understood that it wasn’t knowledge that made one Jedi stand out more than the other, it was the will to learn and succeed that mattered. How great a Jedi Revan would have been if he had chosen to obey the council. He was their prodigy then as she was theirs now. The difference was that Revan had obtained much of his power on his own and made it impossible for anyone to comprehend him. No one knew the extent of the knowledge he had gain of the force throughout the Mandalorian wars and beyond. All that was known was that all who had been to those places, all who had sought his knowledge, had fallen to the dark side of the force. There was danger in knowledge, and for once, a padawan had the perspective to understand the reluctance and caution behind the Jedi ways. Bastila had visited some of the places where Revan had been. She had witnessed how some of them rung hollowed by the dark side. There was no fascination there, only silence and decay. Yet each of these places had great historical significance. It was no surprise that such places collected much of the force, light side or dark side. Revan was no fool; he was looking for much more than just the dark side. There were secrets in such places that could only be reveled to him. On their journey, she had sensed him respond to these places. He had learned so much so fast, she feared it was the dark lord that was resurfacing, but nothing in his behavior had betrayed his goals and for as long as they were together, he was as loyal to his case as she was, if not more. He made all the right decisions and acted as much like a Jedi as master Kavar was. His power and devotion combined with his charisma and compassion had made her fall in love.
Bastila had fought him on the Starforge. Arman took the time away from his mission to bring Bastila back, to win her over. She was not some prize to him; she was not some weapon like she was to Malak. To Arman Clash, she was an equal. There was no condescension in his attempts, nor lies or futile remarks. He was not there to make her believe in the Jedi or in their cause. He only reminded her of him. He wanted her to believe in him as she always had. He looked into her eyes and demanded that she recognized who he was. He demanded that she understood that he was there for her. He fought her and he saved her. He bested her again and again until she yielded. He had no intention in harming her; that battle told her as much as his words. Revan came for her. He would let the republic fight it out with the Sith and postpone his face-off with Malak for as long as it took to steal her back. She was that important to him then and she refused to believe that had changed.
Bastila took a long moment to recall her battle with Revan. Even his strength in dueling was hidden away. There was no apparent maneuver or trick through his fighting style or through the force that allowed him to dominate the battle. He hid his power as well as Revan hid behind Arman Clash. Everyone in the galaxy was made aware of his success.
“Revan has returned.”
The historians had versed. Perhaps they were more right than the Jedi. The key to knowing more about it lied in her memories. Even this battle she had with him could have told her more about him, if only she could focus and see it through his perspective. He was not fighting her; he was fighting for her. Perhaps he was going through then what she is going through now. If only she could have known what he felt. Words were never enough to express what existed in the force. There was a battle there between the light side and the dark side, and in such a place as the starforge, there was no hope for light to expand. Revan kept to himself yet he brought her to the light by his will alone. Perhaps with the bond they shared, he never needed to reach outward. Perhaps he had learned in that short time what she had yet to learn about their bond.
I draw strength from him.
Bastila could hold her reservations as well. She was not ready to challenge this Jedi master’s full potential. She had to learn more of her strength through this bond. At this time, however, her muscles were fatigued and her lungs struggled to find air. She needed to stop.
“Stop.” She yielded. Bastila held her yellow blade close to her head for a little while longer. She felt its soft hum and its warmth comforting after suffering from exhaustion. She felt her master waiting for her and finally closed her lightsaber.
“How long do you think our battle has lasted?” Master Kavar asked. While reaching for a water jug in the corner of the cargo hold. The Proxis was not equipped with open spaces but it held many cargo holds of various types. This one was suitable for their training because it was empty and well ventilated.
“Perhaps 20, 30 minutes.” Bastila replied smoothly.
“It has been an hour, young Bastila. You are a fragile one my padawan.” Master Kavar said. Bastila was saddened and upset. She had never been referred to as being fragile before. She could be distant or dramatic or overconfident, but never fragile. She didn’t respond. She only looked at her master gulp down water and wondered how this duel went according to his perspective. She wasn’t sure if her distractions left her weakened during her fight or if her reflexes were enough to keep her on her toes.
“You are strong and agile, willing and eager, but you are simply not yourself.” Kavar said. All the masters who had known her before her mission with Arman Clash would have said she was a promising pupil though she was stubborn and impulsive. Those were the characteristics that her current master sought, despite how they would drive others only to complain, especially Carth Onasi.
“Is that so bad?” Bastila mused. The answer clearly reflected in his eyes. There was disappointment there.
“It would be best not to deny who you are at this time. Trying to change while not knowing what you are becoming is not a good thing.” Master Kavar suggested.
“I am thick headed and impulsive; surely you are not one to complain!” Bastila retorted.
“Impulse gives you direction and persistence gives you focus.” Master Kavar said simply. Bastila immediately jumped to attention.
“Of course master. I will try not to lose track of my… characteristics.” She said politely and bowed. She wanted to laugh. She hadn’t felt this way in a while. If she had asked Carth to list her flaws, those two would have been among the first he would enumerate. Now it was on her master’s list of assets. Her own proud-Jedi ways were now appreciated by at least two people. Of course the only other one who had hinted towards admiration of those traits was Arman Clash, who never once admitted to disliking anything about her. He did, however have a playfulness about him that favored her more easily coaxed personality traits. It was a subtle admiration at best but it was greatly reinforced by the joy it brought them for a time. He teased her because he cared. Sometimes she wondered what would have happened if Arman was not required to save the republic. She wondered if she could have had him to herself had her mission not demanded all their attention. What a great joy it would have been to have him tease her and laugh and hold her and point out that she is only pretending not to care that he does it. He was so bold once to accuse her of liking him and of pretending otherwise. She had blushed like a teenage girl when he said that. Her feeble comeback must have completely drowned in her anguish. She had felt like she had been completely dissected and left on display for him to see. She loved that it happened, of course: Being a Jedi, she would have never betrayed her feelings so openly and so prematurely. She may never have told him how she felt. Having been adopted by the Jedi way, Arman Clash quickly respected her privacy and didn’t press it any further. For that, she was both happy and sad. Perhaps she had waited too long to allow him back into her privacy. At their encounter on the Starforge, Arman had transformed into Revan and she had not been there with him during that transformation. The prospect of their feelings for each other had not been infused and the hope that they could pick up where they left off was too marginal to have made a difference. Revan had made it clear how he felt for her. He said it out loud, very plainly for her to hear, but his professionalism by then was unshakable.

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