J’erik’s story Part 1
All he wanted was to be loved for once. Heh, who was he kidding,, he couldn’t get a girlfriend no matter how hard he tried. Every girl he met thought he only wanted what all the others seemed to want- what was under the layers of cloth. Even though most of his friends were women, they were always on guard around him- they just never seemed to trust him because of the stereotypes created by all the hutt spawn out there looking for a good time. They say a man is judged by the company he keeps. For him, it meant that all judged him to be a sexist worm. The man was tough but he had a soft heart and a good nature- the gentlest of giants. He shared all his emotions, his broken heart… but still no one cared about him. No one but the Jedi Council- the only family he had ever known. He had his heart broken every time he asked a girl out, every time he fell for another woman. The last time he asked a girl out she had knocked him back in the middle of a VERY crowded cantina. The embarrassment had nearly been too much to handle.
The rejection is what destroyed him slowly, the fear of loss and pain. He was cold to everyone and slowly let his dark, festering emotions to destroy him. He left the order, raiding worlds, raising entire cities using the power of the dark side to kill countless people. For three years he went down this self- destructive path, his hatred and self loathing slowly consuming him. Until he woke up. Until his eyes were opened when his beloved master had died in an attempt to redeem him. Master Vash had been like a master- turned- mother and the centre of his life, the only person he had ever truly cared for, and he had struck her down out of fear and anger. She had told him that she loved him, but he believed he could no longer feel emotion, no longer love- and believed he could never return those feeling ever again. And he had killed her for her foolishness, believing that her love was but a lie. The moment he had struck her down, he could hear the rush of love, of passion that was churning beneath the surface, the feelings she had for him. For many months, he had ran, and tried to hide from the universe. He could do nothing but feel remorse, and wept openly at his sad folly, drowning in his despair. He buried the memory of what he had done, and forgot as much of the last few moments of Vash’s life as he could, until it faded into darkness. But after that fateful day, he couldn’t stop feeling. Emotions continuously bubbled to the surface, unsuppressed and fierce. He knew what he must do.
Return to the council- and be judged. He deserved to be found guilty, to be imprisoned, or worse. At least then he could be at peace, rather than tormented by his past.
His name was J’erik. This is his story.
“Why have you come before us today J’erikâ€? asked Master Vrook. His voice was emotionless, but J’erik could sense… something darker about him.
‘If I didn’t know better, I’d swear he didn’t like me,’ thought J’erik, ‘Heh, I even sound sarcastic in my head – fancy that…’ He would love to send some smart-ass comment towards the older Jedi, but it would not help him now. Politeness would be agonizing, but it would serve his purpose better.
“I turned to the dark side for three years. I, er, did some terrible thingsâ€. said J’erik, he didn’t know why he felt so horrible every time he thought about those days. His memories had somehow been blocked, but he knew something had happened to redeem him, and it had come at a serious price. After taking a deep, shuddering breath, he continued, shoving his grief aside, “But I feel I am ready to return to the Jedi- and make up for my crimes. I have been redeemed- okay, sure, I have no idea how, but…”
“You believe you can come back to us after so long in darkness? After all the horror you have wrought, the suffering? After the death of-” Atris started to say, anger radiating of her.
“Atris.” Revan cut her off sharply. J’erik furrowed his brow. The council was once again keeping it’s dirty little secrets- nothing much had changed after all these years.
“We do not pass judgement without cause. We must accept responsibility for his crimes and we help him†responded Master Revan. “But… what you did was commit true atrocities, J’erik. As I said, we must accept partial blame- we did not train you fully, you were only a Padawan when you left us.” J’erik nodded, mentally cursing his luck. He didn’t think he was going to like where this was going.
“It is because of this… we must consider your circumstances. Return to us in three days while we review your case.â€
